You’ve been blessed. But where is the fruit?

As Christians, especially when we are still new to the faith, we oftentimes become impatient with our sanctification process. We love Jesus and we devour the Bible, yet we wonder: Where is the fruit? Why am I still struggling so much? Shouldn’t I be like Jesus already? How long does it take to bear fruit? Does God love me even though I mess up all the time? Why does it seem like I am unable to overcome my strongholds?
While meditating on God’s word in Hebrews 6:7-8 (see above), I realized that my sanctification process mirrors my garden. My garden, which I build from nothing this year, and put all my energy, money and time in. It is lovely and everything I wanted it to be. Yet, it is struggling to produce plants and fruit. There are some, but it’s nowhere close to its potential. I’m also new to gardening, so it really matches my spiritual walk. After consulting my Christian friend Caitlin, she suggested to add more soil. While I was doing my absolute best to provide the right amount of sunshine, water and nutrients, I failed to realize that I didn’t provide enough soil to grow in. And I believe this reflects what I’ve been doing in my relationship with Christ. I read the Bible about 2 times since 2023, I study, I go to church, I listen to sermons, and I talk to fellow Christians, yet the fruit develops rather slowly. And I realized that it is me who does not give Jesus the entire ground required to properly produce fruit. I’m holding back certain areas instead of surrendering them. Therefore, I delay the sanctification process. God put people into my life, and desires into my heart to water me and bless me. But because I do not let Jesus use all of the available soil, everything I learn can only grow so deep. The roots do not reach the inner parts of my being that need to be reached in order to bear fruit. I am unintentionally, but actively delaying the blessings God has for me.
An example for this would be my sugar addiction. I have been eating sweets my entire life. It has always been a comforter for me. Currently, I am trying to balance my hormones and reverse some gut & liver issues to clear the path for pregnancy. I’ve been trying this for quite some time. I would find any and every reason to blame anything but sugar for the physical challenges I experienced. God had made very clear that I need to let go of it. Yet, I held on. I defended it. Sugar was my idol. I didn’t realize that it was my idol until it started to silence the Holy Spirit. I would eat well for a little while, and then have a full-blown cheat day (or week). During this time, I would become more agitated, emotionally dull, irritable, would lose all desire to read the Bible, and would be unable to pray to God. I would feel severely disconnected. It started to bother me, and I began to dig a bit deeper as to why I felt this way. My last ”cheat”-day (well… 4 days) were a trial to investigate the matter. And sure enough, it happened as I just stated. Not only that, but I also messed up my entire gut for nearly 2 weeks. The first few days I felt like I lived in total silence. I tried to force myself to pray, and couldn’t get a prayer together. It was scary. I felt catapulted back to the time when I lived life without God. This really freaked me out. Not only did I notice the physical decline, but also the spiritual. And I had to admit to myself that I had put sugar above God for a looooong time. Not only did the sugar disable me from talking to God, but it also disabled hearing from God. I put myself in a spot where I caused a separation from God, because I wouldn’t let go of my idol. Of course, He never left. But I’m pretty certain that He taught me a lesson. After one week, I slowly got back into prayer, and started reading my Bible again. The Holy Spirit “returned”. I repented of my idolatry, and I’m staying on track ever since. I developed a healthy fear of sugar. And I decided that I will not ever let anything come in between me and my Savior again. I have a stronger awareness, now that I understand what I had done. I always thought, “I’m not affected by idolatry.’ But when we are really honest with ourselves, we most likely all have something in our life that we cling to that doesn’t do us any good. Something that delays the blessings God has for us and through which we withhold soil to grow. One thing that helped me realize my own idolatry was a sentence I read. It says: “If you can’t fast from it, you are a slave to it.”
I’ll leave you with that. I pray that you’ll uncover any idols in your life, and give Jesus the soil He needs to help you bear fruit.